I Watched “The Princess” Switch On Netflix And Had So Many Thoughts

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1. Why are these Netflix holiday movies obsessed with Chicago?

2. I didn’t know bakeries had sous-chefs.

3. Speaking of, is that guy one of the love interests? I sure hope so. He’s dreamy. Those dimples! And he’s single dad! Ticking off so many tropes already.

4. The fictional kingdom is called Belgravia. It joins the great vaguely European conglomerate of Maldovia, Aldovia, Baltonia, Calpurnia, Cardinia and, of course, Genovia.

5. “We can’t just close up shop right before Christmas.” “Turns out we can.” Well. Glad that problem was sorted out so efficiently.

6. Love that Vanessa Hudgens is wearing a Chicago hat, just in case we forget where they are.

7. Going to another country just so you don’t seem sad and lonely to your ex and his new girlfriend is such a mood.

8. Is that old guy supposed to be some kind of plain-clothes Santa? He has that twinkle about him.

9. Okay but for real, who’s looking after the bakery while they jet off to Belgravia?

10. Hey, it’s that old guy again! He’s totally some Christmas spirit or elf or something.

11. Of course Vanessa Hudgens’ first interaction with the prince is him nearly running her over. Perfectly setting up that hate-to-love trope.

12. The prince is suitably generically handsome and British.

13. “Like when you sauced Professor Kendall’s berries.” Oh my god this is so much, er, ~saucier~ than Hallmark holiday movies.

14. Here we go, the doppelgänger meeting!

15. I love this so much.

16. Duchess Vanessa’s suit is giving me real Marge Simpson vibes.

17. Is Duchess Vanessa going to kidnap Baker Vanessa? She’s being very shady right now.

18. Oh good, I’m glad they cleared up that there are NO romantic feelings between Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples and Baker Vanessa.

19. I’m no scientist or anything, but I feel like having some great-great-great-uncle in common does not cause you to look like the exact same person.

20. Ooohh Duchess Vanessa and the prince don’t love each other either. Sweet, it’s all open for the switch to lead to romance on TWO counts.

21. I love “What Christmas Means To Me” a lot. It’s probably one of my fave Christmas songs.

22. Are they really jamming all this ~learning to be each other~ business into a matter of hours?

23. Hahahahaha the two Vanessas doing each other’s walks is so funny. I feel like she’s having the best time playing these two parts.

24. “I don’t do hairspray.” This is a weird hill to die on.

25. “Slept like a log…a royal log.” Lmao.

26. “Taking in the sights…and there are a lot of sights to see.” Duchess Vanessa is just as thirsty for Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples as I am.

27. I want them to kiss already.

28. The first thing I would do if I were pretending to be a duchess would definitely be rifle through her closet, too.

29. Baker Vanessa is good at quickly coming up with excuses for her bizarre behaviour. If all else fails, just say it’s a “custom in Montenaro”.

30. Awwww Baker Vanessa and the prince both love The Little Prince. They’re bonding. This is super adorable.

31. I am cackling at Baker Vanessa making a fool of herself over breakfast with the king and queen.

32. This movie is way funnier than it has any right to be.

33. Baker Vanessa just turned into the actual heart eyes emoji at that tiara. Same girl, same.

34. “A warm horse is a happy horse, and there’s nothing better than a happy horse.” Hahahaha.

35. Uh oh the king is getting the butler dude to “keep a close eye” on Baker Vanessa. This can’t end well.

36. Of course Duchess Vanessa can’t cook.

37. This little kid is going to figure out the whole scheme real quick.

38. Hoooo that was quite a Look the prince gave Baker Vanessa as she walked in in her riding outfit.

39. “It’s the pants. They must have shrunk in the royal wash.” I’m cackling.

40. Ah the old “you have something in your eye” trick.

41. I love the moment when the spunky heroine puts the well-meaning-but-accidentally-douchey prince in his place.

42. I KNEW THE KID WAS GOING TO FIGURE IT OUT!

43. Bahaha I love Ms Donatello loading up the sneaky butler guy with menial tasks all the time.

44. This kid is trying to matchmake real hard. She’s not being remotely subtle about it.

45. YES A SNOWBALL FIGHT. AND DUCHESS VANESSA FELL. AND SHE’S PULLING HOT BAKER DAD WITH THE DIMPLES DOWN WITH HER. AND THEY’RE HAVING A MOMENT.

46. This is extremely my shit.

47. As is Baker Vanessa going to a royal ball dressed all fancy.

48. There’s that Look again.

49. And they’ve stopped under mistletoe! That was a bit of an awkward cheek-kiss.

50. Do people actually hang mistletoe in real life or is it only in movies for plot reasons?

51. Not that I’m complaining. I’m into it.

52. Oooh she has to play something on the piano in front of this whole crowd. This reminds me of Meteor Garden.

53. I am positively melting at the prince helping Baker Vanessa play the piano. The way he guided her hand! And chose a song where she only had to play four chords! I love him.

54. “I’ve arranged a carriage ride so you can spend more time talking and I can spend more time listening.” I LOVE HIM.

55. And now they’re dancing in the gazebo. Be still my beating heart.

56. …

57. …

58. …

59. Sorry all thoughts just left my head because Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples walked in with NO SHIRT ON.

60. Hnnnnnnnnggggggffffff.

61. Love the prince’s jaunty headwear on this carriage ride.

62. Visiting charities has never been done before? What kind of fantasy land is Belgravia if the royals don’t spend all their time attending ribbon-cutting ceremonies and hanging out with orphaned children?

63. The smiles between Baker Vanessa and the prince are adoooorable.

64. “Sorry that wasn’t very dignified.” “It’s alright. Quite liked it actually.” The prince has such a boner for Baker Vanessa right now.

65. I guess Baker Vanessa has found some spontaneity. Although I maintain it’s physically impossible to play Twister in a skirt like that.

66. “Has the prince always been so…ordinary?” Omg drag him Ms Donatello.

67. Uh oh they’re all going to collide in the toy store.

68. Ohh the random old guy who may-or-may-not be a Christmas angel is here to save the day.

69. The mistletoe AGAIN?! Oooh now they’re kissing on the lips. You know what that is? Growth.

70. Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples looks goooooooood in that polo shirt.

71. SCREAMING that they’re going to watch A Christmas Prince. That product placement.

72. Awww the prince is giving Baker Vanessa his family crest. It’s hideous but cuuuuute.

73. And now they’re kissing without the aid of mistletoe! GROWTH.

74. Duchess Vanessa and Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples are BOTH crying at the end of A Christmas Prince. This movie just keeps getting better and better.

75. Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples gave Duchess Vanessa a necklace too! Love some synchronicity.

76. Gosh, he’s got a good face.

77. SHE’S FINALLY KISSING HIM. YAAAAASS.

78. “Can we just pretend this never happened?” Oh noooo he’s going to get the wrong idea.

79. The rival in the baking competition just cut the cord to their mixer but um, can’t they just get another one in that huge-ass kitchen?

80. They both fell in love after two days, a totally chill and normal thing to happen.

81. Sneaky butler guy is taking photos of the two Vanessas together! Uh oh.

82. Hahaha he fell. Snitches get stitches.

83. Now the queen has got the sneaky butler guy doing shit jobs (literally). Lol.

84. I love it when queens meddle (in a good way).

85. How did they get two whole cakes baked without once using that mixer?

86. Omg! Duchess Vanessa told the prince the truth?!

87. “The puree is not as smooth as I had hoped.” Such a specific criticism from the judge.

88. Baker Vanessa and Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples won the baking competition! What a shock!

89. Oooh the prince and Duchess Vanessa are there, everything is about to go DOWN.

90. *grabs popcorn*

91. Hot Baker Dad with the Dimples is shooketh to learn the truth. SHOOKETH.

92. “Kiss her daddy!” This little girl is me.

93. Oooofft that was a good kiss! The little nose nuzzle! Swoooon.

94. “I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my whole life.” Everyone else in her whole life: “Sooo…you love this dude you’ve known for two (2) days more than us? Cool cool cool no doubt no doubt no doubt.”

95. I feel like she can’t own a bakery and also be a princess hey.

96. OH MY GOD IS THE PRINCE PROPOSING?!?!

97. Well, glad he specified getting married NEXT Christmas. Wouldn’t want to be too hasty or anything.

98. Oh and we’ve flashed forward to their wedding. Amazing.

99. OF COURSE Duchess Vanessa caught the bouquet. Surprised they didn’t have a double wedding tbh.

100. TWO happy endings? I feel truly blessed.

101. I’m grinning. I loved that a lot. It was so cheesy and tropey and PERFECT.

102. I’m gonna rewatch it every day until Christmas.